Vaahtokaramelli Couture

It feels like I am losing all of those who I thought I was close to because some of the choices I have made recently. Every day is a new battle that I am going through, going through emotions I've never felt before. I really just want someone to tell me everything will be all okay in month or more. I keep telling myself that every day I wake and go to bed it just seems to either work or make it even harder.  It makes me not want to be in love again after this. I want to be happy again, I want to get my life all in check mostly I just want a career and some more friends, maybe even my own place. I just don't even know what is wrong with me anymore. I am usually really good at making and keeping myself really happy and content with life but lately that just isn't the case anymore. I don't even know what to do with myself, my anxiety has gotten much worse. I feel like retail therapy would help wonders but you need a job to go shopping. I want things to go back to the way they were before. I never thought about sharing my life with anyone besides my two dogs, just having friends who constantly want to text you. It just feels like I am making all the wrong moves and I don't know what to do with myself. Almost everything makes me just want to cry because it just brings back memories. I've never missed my dad as much as I have recently, I just feel like maybe things would be different if he were still here. I don't know if all this is going on because I rarely leave my house let alone my bedroom. I don't have a car, I don't have money so I just sit here watching Netflix or listening to music just thinking how things happened over and over again. I have dreams that I am happy. I just really want it to stop or return. I miss my positive, go-getter attitude just my over all let's attack the world today attitude. Maybe lack of sleep is catching up with me and just eating me alive same with my achy body because I am super stressed out lately. My appetite is basically non-existent to were I am forcing myself to eat. All I want is just water, it really shouldn't be this bad at all there is no reason for it. Maybe once I get a car again, and save up for my own place things will get better. Maybe having an actual bed to come home to and sleep in. I just have this mental image that my own place will make me happy, be an amazing place to be. Just be my own little sanctuary to share with my friends and just myself.